I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she pinky promised me she was 18
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
