I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
