Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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