Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
