Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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