so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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