I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
