Me. At least after what I've been through.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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