Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
