what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
