Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
