on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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