Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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