This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
