its not stalking. its research.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
