a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
