she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
