Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
