I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
