Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
