If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
