I just threw up on my dentist
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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