i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
