I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
