Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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