Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
