Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
