i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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