Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
