last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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