do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
40s are totally the cure
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
