my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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