well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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