You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
