Sry I called you an 8
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
