so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
