mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
