Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
