i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
