Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
