He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize