I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dignity is for republicans.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
