yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
