One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
love makes seman taste better
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
