Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
