It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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