normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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