actually, I'm a sock model
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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