I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
