how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
