I think I won the penis lottery.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
