is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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